Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?