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This girl is more easily done than said...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So much rum. So many feels.
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