just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent