I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
