The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
