Moan for me like Helen Keller
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
