So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
