when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
