Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
