I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
they're like a gay fantastic four
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
