u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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