I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
