I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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