I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
