so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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