It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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