My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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