Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
