Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How naked do you want me to be?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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