First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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