Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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