During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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