so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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