How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
