1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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