i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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