If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
