So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
