His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
