Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
