He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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