I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
