kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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