It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
