It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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