I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
