I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
