apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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