She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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