Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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