I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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