What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
