Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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