there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
