Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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