dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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