He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
