9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
