is your mom at the bar?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
