I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
