I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
