that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
