I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
