You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
