I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
