Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
