hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
