Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
