the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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