I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
