so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
