just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
