see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
