Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
