Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
