Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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