Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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