rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Randomize
