im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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