it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
