if you like me you must not know who I am
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
