Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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