Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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