ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
