i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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