he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
