fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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