Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
