dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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