I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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