just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
