I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
