Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You are the jesus of drinking
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
