last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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