chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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